So, apparently I've reached a point in my life where I have decided that I have something to say. This blog is for the sex- and kink-related parts of what I have to say. I have to thank maymay for inspiring me not to confine my kinky web identity to FetLife. Time to dust off that old sex radical hat!
I already had separate email addresses for the "vanilla" and "kinky" parts of my life. Now I have separate blogs and Twitter accounts. I feel conflicted about fracturing my identity this way. Am I compartmentalizing myself or protecting myself? I think it’s always a little of both.
When I decided to be out as queer in all areas of my life, I realized that the closet has the effect of magnifying the perceived threat of exposure. If I were outed as kinky, it most likely wouldn’t be horrible for me. Most people wouldn’t care. But the act of hiding it actually makes it feel shameful, even if that’s not what I believe.
Also, the identity split gives me the feeling of too many keys on my keychain, of trying to remember all the things I need before I leave the house - watch, wallet, umbrella, phone, kinky me, vanilla me.
For now, though, splitting my identity is what works. Maybe something different will work tomorrow.
So what was I going to write about, besides my internal conflict in starting a sex blog? Hopefully it will come back to me.
I already had separate email addresses for the "vanilla" and "kinky" parts of my life. Now I have separate blogs and Twitter accounts. I feel conflicted about fracturing my identity this way. Am I compartmentalizing myself or protecting myself? I think it’s always a little of both.
When I decided to be out as queer in all areas of my life, I realized that the closet has the effect of magnifying the perceived threat of exposure. If I were outed as kinky, it most likely wouldn’t be horrible for me. Most people wouldn’t care. But the act of hiding it actually makes it feel shameful, even if that’s not what I believe.
Also, the identity split gives me the feeling of too many keys on my keychain, of trying to remember all the things I need before I leave the house - watch, wallet, umbrella, phone, kinky me, vanilla me.
For now, though, splitting my identity is what works. Maybe something different will work tomorrow.
So what was I going to write about, besides my internal conflict in starting a sex blog? Hopefully it will come back to me.
"I realized that the closet has the effect of magnifying the perceived threat of exposure. If I were outed as kinky, it most likely wouldn’t be horrible for me. Most people wouldn’t care. But the act of hiding it actually makes it feel shameful, even if that’s not what I believe."
ReplyDeleteYep, I definitely identify with this. I think most people in my life would just giggle and tell me their kinky secret if they knew - but all the work I do to separate my kinky identity and my vanilla identity, especially online, makes it seem like a bigger deal than it it.